Moving
Pictures
I fell into a day dream with my eyes open and saw the divorce.
Everything changed so fast. There were clues but I didn’t want to see them and
when it happened I experienced a conscious shock yet I was unconsciously
prepared. An unknown force brought me into reality. I closed my eyes and imagined
favorable things. I saw the house with the red roof. My parents had the house
made from the ground up and on certain weekends we would drive to Pennsylvania
from New Jersey to witness the progress. I skipped forward and imagined myself happy
with my future husband. In this dream I thought about how we would never
divorce; only death would separate us. After all, if you stick with something it
has no choice but to work. Love is everything. But my love had not yet
arrived, so I’ll do as most single do and watch movies.
It was chilly that day. That’s when I saw it. Dark brown eyes, fair skin, black
hair, and a stuck up posture to tie it all together. Joseph Gorden-Lev
played perfectly the role of Jon in the movie titled Don Jon. The
character was a cocky gym rat with soft and touchable black hair. Jon
went on an investigative odyssey until he found her name. He did what most of
us do when we want to search for someone, he looked her up on Facebook and found
her. A Facebook message is all it took. How romantic. He saw no other
women because she was the most beautiful in his eyes. This women Jon was so infatuated
with resembled someone I was well acquainted with. She stood up straight,
exuded confidence, and treated men just as I do. I was engrossed by the moving
pictures. It was exciting to know that this women, who was like me in that
scene had found someone to love her.
My step mother had found love in an island. She repeatedly told me
her love story. They knew each other as children. He told her that one day she
would be his wife and as they become older the prophecy came true. Not even
distance seemed to dim their passion for one another. When my father came home
from his weekday long trip, all three of us would compete for his affection. I
could hear his voice saying, “hola mi amor. My father would give each of us a
hug and a wet kiss on our cheeks. He was home for the weekend. We would clean
the house and my step mother made dinner. We sat at the dinner table and ate
dinner together. My father made funny jokes and we laughed. He enlighten us
with his intelligence and we would listen. After dinner, we would watch movies
together. Of course, whose ever turn it was to wash dishes had to finish up
before or after the movie. Since we were professional procrastinator, all three
of us would lie on the carpet and our parents would lie down on the couch. They
cuddles while watching the moving pictures.
We never got to watch that
movie titled Up in the Air. Nothing too interesting happened, but the
ending was what mattered to me. After her long trip from work she went home to
her love. She had such a busy life. Her husband was probably just as busy as
she was. Just because they didn’t see each other as much as other couples do,
does not mean that they did not care for one another. Life is tough with many
goals to be met. I began to add on to the scene where she came home. I
imagined that they only had a couple of hours to dedicate to each other. I was
sure that when they did get to see each other, they talked about the future and
what their relationship meant. After they have nothing more to say they would do
as most companions do after; unless passion gets in the way and then everything
would be done in reverse. A few hours in the night to catch each other up is
all that’s needed. I can close my eyes and imagine how fast life can suddenly
become yet so slow while they talked and listen. Like the earth took a break
from its rotation those nights. But it never did and when they realize that the
earth kept on with its usual rotation, they rush back into existence. Who
needs more than that anyways?
My Step mother needed my father to work somewhere closer to home.
We lived in Pennsylvania and he was a truck driver in New Jersey. Since the
nature of his job required for him to travel, he didn’t feel the need to take a
job where the main office was closer to home. These conversations usually
occurred during dinner, family movie time, or our weekend shopping trip to
Walmart. During these conversations my siblings and I would begin to talk to
each other about pending subject or begin to joke around with each other until
my step mother would interrupt us by asking if we would like to have our father
home more often. We would always answer that we would like to have papi home
more often and quickly return to what we were doing previous to the
interruption. The conversation didn’t
last longer than thirty minutes. My father would end it by asking if we were
happy and if he was giving us everything we needed.
I got home one weekend and found the door to the garage
missing. My brother was standing by and said that papi had knocked it down
forcefully. I asked why but he said he didn’t know. All he knew was that our
parents had argued and he rushed down the stairs from his room and found the
door on the ground. My sister joined us but we had little answers, therefore we
stood around the empty space. Our father walked in with a drill and screws and
began to reattach the door. We looked at each other but did not ask. The next
weekend arrived and papi had come home with red roses. He gave each of us our
hugs and asked for our mother. We smiled and told him that she was upstairs. We
all went with him to witness the surprise on her face. In the midst of it all,
they began to argue. My father voice became loud. I held on to my chest. He
said that she had put the horns on him. A tear ran down my brother’s eyes and
the expressions on my sister’s face was nonexistent. My step mother responded
by saying that the other man made her feel like a women. He pushed her and
yelled at her. She responded by punching him repeatedly with a forceful fist.
They began to physically fight each other. We froze. Suddenly my younger
brother took action by holding my father back. My sister and I eventually
caught on and helped him. After an hour of yelling and fighting, my father
rushed out the house and soon after the police appeared. My mother told them
that she saw a gun. Later we discovered
that our father had been arrested. To think a few weeks ago she wanted to spend
more time with her husband.
In the movie titled He’s
Just Not That Into You, it explains that if a man does not want to spend time
with you then they are not into you. More importantly the movie warns women to take
a man’s words seriously; for example, if a man tells a women that he does not
want to be in a relationship, it’s because he doesn’t. If he doesn’t want to be
a specific women, he’ll show it. The main character had been mistreated and yet
she was still enthusiastic about love. She wanted it more than anything and put
up with the betrayals and emotional abuse. The main character did not devote an
obscene amount of time on one man, as I would. She didn’t stay with one man for
several years until he decided to exchange her for another women; only to treat
this other women as she longed to be treated. Ironically, towards the end of
the movie she did find a man that treated her differently. Someone she had least
expected because he was a friend.
It was late spring when I discovered that one of my friends
graduated from medical school. I went on Facebook to congratulate him. He
responded promptly and after a few playful and funny interchange of messages,
he told me that he was moving out of the state. Memories of the past four years
we have known each other rushed into my conscious. My fingers took action and
typed, “I can’t believe it, and we should catch up before you leave”. He
explained that he was currently out of the state but when he returns, he would
like to catch up. I received a notice a few day later of his arrival.
Apparently, he had a question to ask me but he needed my permission to ask it.
I slowly typed my delayed response, “Sure”.
He asked if he could take me out for dinner, on a date. My eyes widen followed by another delayed
response. I accepted.
I was two hours late, so
he teased me via text about my incapability to be on time. Upon my arrival I
sent him a message. I saw him walking towards me. His blue eyes in the night
widen as he spotted me. I smiled at him and when our eyes met I redirected my
stare towards the pavement. I dared to look up again but this time he was much
closer. He smiled then looked to his side and gave me a hug. We’ve made our way
to an Italian restaurant in Hoboken. Once we found our way, I couldn’t find my
words. He mentioned something about the weather and I looked out the window and
mentioned how beautiful the view of New York was. He replied by saying that he
was spoiled by it. He asked me if I was still teaching dirty dancing. I replied
by saying that if he was referring to Zumba, then no. I went on to say that it
only seems dirty to perverts whose imagination sees what’s not there. He
laughed and we began to reminisce about old times we spent together.
Work was stressful that day and I had stayed up the night before
writing a paper, but he asked me on another date in advance and I accepted. We
took a cab to the restaurant. The night was a rainy one so we held on close
while sharing an umbrella. Upon arrival, I stood still as he let go of my
hands. He walked around the area before choosing a table. Afterwards, we went
to a nearby movie theatre. I picked the movie Neighbors and he agreed. My eyes felt heavy during the movie and I
fell asleep on his right shoulder.
After the movie, he said
to me, “I have a serious question. I have this wedding to go to and I was
wondering if you could be my date”. I smiled and agreed. He held my hands and
we walked back to his apartment. We sat in the living room and watch another
movie, except that we didn’t watch the movie at all. He teased me and we
laughed and wrestled, until I we found ourselves face to face. I stared at his
clear blue eyes as he stared at my lips. He tilted his head and leaned towards
me. I couldn’t help myself and leaned in the rest of the way. We stopped only
to stare at each other before resuming. I pulled myself away and told him that
I couldn’t sleep with him because I’ve been hurt and I won’t repeat my
mistakes. He scratched his head and said “only do what you’re conferrable with
because a kiss was enough for me”. With a soft tone of voice and a stern look
on his face he said, “You know, you don’t have to date the bad guy, you’re a
pretty girl and you don’t have to put up with that”.
The day of the wedding
was here and I had the perfect dress. We rushed to get there because we were
late. The wedding was held in a castle big enough to take a substantial amount
of time to explore. He introduced me by my name and one of his friend said, “Yes,
I’ve heard of you”. I turned my head straight towards him but saw his chest, so
I looked up and he looked away. We collectively walked to our table. Several
times during the night he would take my hand and we would explore the castle
together. When we weren’t exploring we were dancing or sitting down with his
hands either on my knee or intertwined with mines. I felt I was suffocating him,
so I branched off with the other dates. Before I could spot his location,
he had returned. I looked back and saw his friends standing in a circle filled
with laughter. Since he returned I felt
no need to be with the girls and we sat at assigned empty table and played the
ninja slap hand game. Time past and our hotel charter bus had arrived. There
didn’t seem to be much room and the driver asked if he would like to sit in the
front. He declined and explained that he wanted sit next to his date. I
attempted to point out the extra room in the back but he was too engrossed by
the conversation with the driver. I went to sit in the back in hopes that he
would follow. He looked back and didn’t see me. He asked the known guest in the
charter where I was and explained that he couldn’t leave his date alone. A
women near him pointed to the back and explained that there was room for the
both of us were I was sitting. He made his way to towards me, sat down and held
my hands. We heard an older guest look back and say “how sweet”. We arrived at
the hotel room. There was only one bed. I went to the bathroom to change and
when I returned he was lying on his stomach, shirtless and with his eyes
closed. I noticed how fit he was before turning off the lights and joined him
after. He put his arms around me and kissed me. I told him that I didn’t want
to do anything I would regret and he said, “Neither do I”. I took a deep breath
and felt my muscles relax as I closed my eyes only to open them when morning
had arrived.
I texted him to say goodbye. He called a day after he had arrived
during late July. We talked about his future plans and about his new apartment.
He explained his schedule to me, including possible vacations which he would
spend in New Jersey. He explained that he would not be back until November for
a few week and that it will be his only vacation for the year. I responded by
saying that it wasn’t too bad. The subject had shifted and we spoke of
children. I said that if we had children they would be awfully attractive, he
agreed and said, “I’m going to be busy the next three years but the idea wasn’t
bad”. I laughed and said goodbye.
I went to jog in Branch
Brook Park during the month of October and noticed the trees outside. Summer
had ended and the leaves were dying, giving colorful goodbye. I stopped to
stare at the trees and remembered when they were once green. Some had flowers,
giving the tree a multitude of colors. Then I thought about how the tree will
be naked in the winter; only to be dresses by the bright white snow. Spring
would then arrive and the leaves will again slowly return. I closed my eyes and
allowed myself to feel the fall breeze. I opened my eyes, took a deep breath
and ran the entire way back to my apartment. My father came over later that
week. He greeted me with a hug followed by a wet kiss and a, “hola mi amor. My
father walked into my living room and sat down on my couch. I sat next to him on
the opposite corner as we talked about pending subjects and watched the news.
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